One evening I received a phone call from one of my relatives asking me to come back home as soon as possible! My dad had a sudden death. He was the holding pillar of my small family and I experienced the longest journey of my life to get to Andaman Islands the next day for his funeral. Frankly speaking, I was praying that my plane never lands as it was all so sudden and I didn’t have the guts to face this experience.
I spent a month with my mum and brother regrouping our emotions and the loss. Dad’s sudden death showed us many true colors of our extended family members. It was a hard time. My mum was in total mess and every single extended family member wanted to me to stay with my mum and never get back to London. To be honest, I had similar feelings. I wasn’t able to decide the next steps.
After few weeks my mum said to me – ‘It was your dad’s dream to see you graduate in London and now you being the elder in the family have to carry on his dream and become an example to your younger brother.’
It was a tough wake up call for me! I fastened my ‘strong woman’ belt and returned to London.
I wanted to run away! But where to?
I was confused as I didn’t know what was going on with me.
Now that I know more –
I was denying the most important aspect of life – evolution, expansion & growth!!
It was like I lost my identity.
But the one thing I was sure about was that I was just not given this life to work hard, pay the bills, oblige with the societal norms and die after all!!
Since my childhood, I felt deeply that I was meant to live an extra-ordinary life.. but there I was struggling with the wide range of my emotions! It was then time for a nervous meltdown – there I sat in the Southwark Park in London and cried my heart out for hours. I decided not to leave until I get some kind of sign from God (questioning if there was any!!)
All I wanted was some guidance on what was going on with me.. I knew I was a smart girl and will understand if I was given some sort of sign. Nothing happened.. I got tired of crying and returned home all disappointed. I was a total shambles!
Now that I look back, I can say that I had to lose my internal flame to re-discover my real essence. I am so grateful for my journey.
Many of us lose our essence by letting our not so pretty life-story take over.
This is the classic trap where our job becomes more important than living, where a relationship overshadows our own needs, where expectations rule our emotions and we can’t pace life to our own style.
In working with the spiritual practices around essence I began to see how life was flowing around me. It became clearer why people do what they do. I felt connected to the world in a deeper manner. When I discovered my essence, I realised that my sacred purpose is to spread this work to the women around which is led me to create the company Exploring Femininity as I realised that I was not the only woman feeling lost in the real essence of womanhood.
I made the decision to pass on the divine feminine wisdom to as many women around and invite them on a journey of exploring their femininity. I now run monthly women’s circles, online workshops, sacred femininine retreats and private coaching.
I am loving living life outside the box, happily married to the same boyfriend, running my successful lifestyle coaching business, fulfilling my purpose of empowering other women, facing my fears, traveling the world!
Losing my in-grained identity led me to rediscover my true identity!!
So sister, if you are going through one of the most hopeless/painful times of your life, know that life is giving you an opportunity to rediscover the most resilience part of yourself so that you expand your capacity to receive your big-desires, wildest dreams.
Hope my story stirred something beautiful in your feminine.